I feel as though I’ve swallowed
a nest of caterpillars, which have all
metastasized into hungry butterflies,
chewing at my stomach lining. Pleasant as
this image is, it’s entirely self-inflicted.
I had the pleasure this weekend of hanging out
with a wonderful girl who I’m very much interested in.
Turns out, she likes me too!
So, the butterflies are little envoys of giddiness,
and betray my nervousness. Normally confident,
I’ve begun to examine all my foibles and weaknesses,
waiting for the dream to end or the other shoe to drop.
I’m entirely aware of this, and that I need to relax,
and to enjoy. I’m not entirely loathsome, after all.
I think that a lot of this anxiety is owed in part to the
fact that I (fairly) recently got out of a near-four-year
relationship, and I’ve had little choice since but to
examine how I failed in that relationship. This is good
in a sense, as I’d like to think that I can learn from
my mistakes, but easily leads to me being a bit hard
on myself. I’m in the second half of being 24, and
last time I started a relationship I was 20. I’ve changed
a lot since then, and I’m still learning how this
new me works. Hopefully I can get the bastard to chill.
–
We’re to start poker nights on Thursdays,
boisterous evening of jazz, poker, and vin rouge.
I stayed up ’til two the other night, watching
celebrity poker, and though I realize it may mean I’m
a dork (who woulda guessed), it really made me want
to play some Texas Hold ‘Em. Anyway, poker night has
been an idea in the works for some time, but now we’re
gonna make it happen, so good for us. I had too many
evenings free as it was, so ha! (yeah right)
We’re also thinking of starting some sort of weekly seminar,
which would be great if it means getting me off my ass
and reading some more. I don’t know where the time goes,
honestly, but not into books! Theo keeps calling me
intellectual, and even uber-intellectual, but I haven’t
been feeling it lately, so hopefully some good reading
will help. I are pretty smart, after all.