Ye Olde Archive Archived Posts: 2004-2009


Baby Got Bud

My ode to the allergy season,
a la Sir Mix-A-Lot:


Oh my god, Becky,
look at her pistil,
It is so big.
She looks like one of those worker bees' girlfriends,
But y'know, who understand those workers?
They only harvest her because
she looks like a total pollen-whore, kay,
I mean her buds, they're just so big.
I can't believe they're so round, they're like, out there.
I mean, it's so gross,
look, she's just so ripe.

I like big buds and I can not lie,
you other workers can't deny,
when you find a plant with some itty bitty leaves
and she's hoarding those ripe seeds
You get sprung,
Wanna pull up tough
'cuz you noticed those buds were stuffed.
Deep in the petals she's wavin',
I'm hooked for the pollen I'm cravin',
Oh, posy I wanna get with ya,
and grab a pitcha',
my home-bees tried to dissuade me,
but those buds you got
have really sprayed me.
Ooh rumple-smooth-petal,
You say you wanna get in my shtetl?
Well feed me, feed me, 'cause you ain't that average peony.

Seen her petals waving,
to hell with pollen-saving,
she's powder,
don't crowd her, gonna eat her like a chowder.

I'm tired of magazines,
saying little buds are the thing,
take the average worker and ask him what he need,
she gotta pack much seed.

So fellas (yeah?), fellas (yeah?),
has your girlfriend got the bud? (hell yeah!)
Tell her to wave around,
spray it out,
even drone-bees got to shout.
Baby got bud.


Sometimes I worry about me.

Funny thing. When I was up in Port Townsend recently, Sir Mix-A-Lot was playing at some local dive. We didn't go see him, being that there was swing-dancing that night and we're total swing-dorks, but it might have been worth it for sheer absurdity value. I remember back in the day, I swore by Mix-A-Lot (who swears a lot!). Nowadays, I feel bad for him, but not enough to go see his show in smalltown Washington. What a big fall that is though, huh? Maybe he should have gotten into movies, like Ice-T. Oh look, he had a brief appearance in Meet Wally Sparks. Lucky him. MTV has an interesting, if brief, bio here.

And to think, I always wanted to be swass like him.
But hey, maybe he'll launch a comeback.
Or end up on a reality show.

Definately one or the other.

Filed under: humor, music 5 Comments

Why, Vin, Why!?

This makes me die inside. Everyone gets to be in a bad movie now and then (unless you're William H. Macy, who seems to have impeccable taste), but Vin's sort of been on a bad spree these days. I'm hoping that he's simply trying to make as much money as possible with Hollywood "money films", so that he'll be able to soon put his real genius to work in the director's chair, or perhaps as a producer. With some cunning investing, it might not be far off! And if this were, in fact, true, it would almost, almost be a good excuse for starring in this movie. But not quite. He's still pretty cool though.

I'm going to watch Sin City at the Cinerama in Seattle this weekend, as part of my birthday movie theater marathon. I'll be twenty-five on April 2! Fanfare! Fireworks! Huzzah! I'm really not that excited. Honest. I am that excited about watching this movie at this theater though. It's going to be the absolute best movie experience I have ever had and will ever have in my life, ever. I don't set my expectations high or anything. Should be fun though. Also as part of the movie theater marathon experience, we may check out the Olympic Club Theater in Centralia, in which you can eat food while you enjoy a film, and/or one of the historic Landmark Theaters in Seattle. And of course, we may stop in at the Capitol Theater here in Olympia, or the Rose Theatre if we make it up to Port Townsend. So many good theaters, so little time. I'm such a movie geek, too.

In swing dance news, we are mostly trying to work on learning the Big Apple. It's a fun, zany line dance sort of thing, but it's tough to learn! In two weeks, we've gotten maybe halfway through it. It'll be a lot of fun, though, once we can bust it out at the dance some week.

That's it for now. I've been so dang busy (busy having fun, mind you, the best kind) that I've been finding it tough to blog. I'll try to be more prolific, and consistent. Oh, and if anyone wants to buy me a birthday present ... *wink wink*

As Eddie says while riding his scooter: "Ciao."

Filed under: cinema, dance No Comments

No time like the present

And the present is good. Really good. Stupendously good.
I won't bore you with details.

Instead, I suggest you geek out on this addictive game;
generate your own webcomic;
listen to some Shivaree;
and finally, save the world.

If you still have time after all that,
come back here and I promise I'll write something else.


Filed under: game, music, webcomics 2 Comments

Error Message

"I put yo' bitch of a profile down, yo.
All your desktop are belong to us."

The main IT guy out here takes a look at it,
has a bit of a confused look, says "Derrrr ...",
and then, "I have to go to a meeting now."

And so everytime I go to a webpage, I get a error message popping up to say that the computer couldn't find my desktop. Strangely enough, my IE favorites are still all there. Oh what a tangled wired world we weave, when first we practice to network shit. I could care less about my desktop, but the error messages are annoying, and in general I just like it when computers work properly.


This weekend I went up to PT for a little relaxation and fun. We walked around, hit the Antique Mall, went swing dancing(!), and all in all had a good time. It was nice to get away from O-town for a bit, and chill. And we didn't get on each other's nerves once! At least, I didn't think so. It's a measure of a strong relationship, I think, if you get along fine even when pulled out of your comfortable, or regular, environment. Relationships that get by on habit don't work so well when you're on the road.

I smoked too many cigarettes yesterday, and today I feel like shit. I'm going to quit smoking for indefinately. I like my lungs. I also drank too much yesterday (hazards of having the entire day off that your roommate also has off). I need to remove myself from this decadent lifestyle. I did, however, buy a bottle of Stroh 80, which I feel proud simply to have. It may take me years to drink it.

This girl is WAY too excited about her Stroh.

Filed under: love, tech No Comments

The Brothers Ross

I was all set to play poker last night. My mind was a veritable fortress of bluffs, counter-bluffs, counter-counter-bluffs, and ummm ... false exits. All their chip were going to belong to me. Then out of the blue, I get a phone call from my friend Benj, who I haven't seen in like five years!!! And he was all like, hey we're going to be in town tonight, and we should get together.

For a brief, frantic moment I was stumped. Did I dare to break the poker night tradition for a couple friends I've only known since the first grade? I was brave, I said yes, and we went out and enjoyed us some fine Guinness on St. Patty's Day. It was damn nice to catch up, and to see them in a good space. They're kicking ass with music (marimbas, lately) and having a ball up in Friday Harbor. I may get to hang with them a bit more tonight, before they head back north tomorrow morning.

I took them back to where they were crashing, and around 2:30 in the morning, declined my house for a better alternative, and slept in the arms of a beautiful woman. Sometimes, everything feels like it is right with the universe.

Filed under: personal No Comments