On being freshly single, meditations:
The first week, nearly every member of the opposite sex appears physically unattractive. Those that are physicially good-looking are obviously either very shallow, completely vacuous, or outrageously mean-spirited. The newly single despairs over ever again meeting someone who contains that perfect mix of inner and outer beauty that their recent ex somehow maintained.
The second week, nearly every member of the opposite sex seems to be a sex god(dess). Those not physically attractive obviously radiate an inner beauty, have perfect smiles, nice laughs, and save puppies from burning buildings. The universe seems to be mocking the newly single, who believes themselves unworthy of any of these avatars of sex and goodness. The newly single despairs that they will never again be desired as they have been desired, for the past was but a fluke which will surely never reoccur.
The third week, I suspect, involves drinking, swearing, and a general attitude of waving the middle finger at the dating scene and the opposite sex. This loud display will fool no-one, particularly not the newly single, who needs another shot of tequila.
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And that’s about as far as I’ve thought that through, so far. If you’d like to buy me a drink in week 3, I’ll take a rum and coke. Stroh 80 if you’ve got it, light on the coke.