In which Ahniwa does not reveal his secret plans.

I look forward to explaining this to my own children one day. Or perhaps to my cats. Or plants. Or just to the wall. I have commitment issues.

So today has started off well. So far, all before lunch, I have:

Applied WD-40 to the wheels of library carts, thus streamlining them for the new millenium. Of course, I had to ride each one down the hill behind the library to make sure the annoying squeaks and squeals were “completely gone”. Aside from one of the wheels flying off, hurtling me to my doom, it went pretty well.

Pointed one “community” member in the direction of the public library because, “Hell no you can’t use our computers for your nefarious deeds, you freeloading smu-dent hating … freeloader.” Boy, I told them.

Located with celeritous alacrity three(3!) literature reviews on aids stigmas for one(1!) very cute smu-dent. I know I make it sound easy, but give it a shot. That’s what I thought.

Talked down a student who was in a frantic state over her network account:

Me: “Calm down, it’s going to be okay. We can reset your password.”
Stu: “It’s not even worth it. You know what? I just can’t … I just … it’s not even worth it. I don’t care anymore, anyway. I mean … I just. I have to go, I have to go now.”
Me: “Look, look at me. It’s all right. I’m here with you, we’ll get through this together. Your account was locked out, but look, I unlocked it for you. See, all better. Now, all you have to do is enter a new password, here and here. It’ll be all right.”
Student begins typing in a new password
Me: “It has to be between six and fourteen characters, and it can’t be the same as any of your previous five passwords.”
Stu: “What!? What!!! Oh my god, oh my fucking god, I can’t deal with this. This is just … oh god! How many? Okay, what? Six … fourt … ummm, I can’t, wait … no, okay.”
Student enters in the word “god”. It doesn’t work.
Me: “No, look, it has to be between six and fourteen-”
Stu: “Fuck you! You know what, fuck you! I don’t need this! You’re supposed to HELP me! Fuck … you know what, just fuck you!”
Student killed me with a computer monitor and stormed out, crying.
So okay, I guess that didn’t go so well.

Frolicked. After which I lifted a building. You know, just for fun.

After lunch. Well, I have big plans for after lunch.

Secret plans …