Ye Olde Archive Archived Posts: 2004-2009


A tribute to monkeys, eating.

As opposed to being eaten, and to appease Sister Amos, who worries of such occurrences in an obsessive manner.

First off, I found this site. This site is ridiculously awesome. Sure, it's crass, but so are monkeys. Some gems:

Meteorologists here have forecast a drop in temperatures
after days of severe heat which forced officials to convert local citizens
into ice-cream bars killing dozens of people in the past week.

A Chinese safari park has dyed the fur of its monkeys black, yellow and
white to ring in the Lunar New Year of the Monkey, which started on Thursday.

"We had to anaesthetise them first," said a worker at the Forest Safari
Park in the city of Shenyang. "That was really hillaroius, we got drunk
and used their unconcious bodies as puppets".

The Rhinos wouldn't normally eat meat but they are stupid and
easily tricked.

And with pictures like this, this, and this, you know you're getting your mon(k)ey's worth.

I voted for the Monkey King. Twice.

That is all.

Filed under: humor, internet 3 Comments

In the arms of winter’s debauchery

Perhaps today is the day I finally break my brain trying to think up something topical and interesting to blog about. Perhaps my brain will actually fry, or implode, or create a small but powerful black hole into which all the world's matter will be sucked. I suppose I could just talk about crocodiles, and their factual or fictual tendancy to eat monkeys. I could even talk about gavials a bit, and try to reason out why our illustrious Archcroc V dislikes them so. Like a coward, I'm sure I could go on for at least two more paragraphs, in a mildly amusing fashion, about not knowing what to blog about. I've always enjoyed the irony in that, simple though it is, and if you go back through my archives you'll notice that I've done it at least three or four times. Nothing like beating a joke to death until it's just ... not ... funny ... anymore.

In the end, and since I have to finish this up in the next five minutes or so, I think I'll keep this factual and sentimental.

Yesterday I was sick and I called in to work. Then it snowed. So I got a snow-day, with hot cocoa. How fucking rocking is that! Right? Then I got to have coffee and lunch with my sister, who just moved back to Washington. Then I cleaned my apartment, watched a movie, and got my cuddle on.

I'm a snuggler, big-time. It's ridiculous. This last week I've been very happy to have someone, who I think is pretty damned awesome, to snuggle with. And on a snow-day ... well you just can't get more ideal than that.

I wish you all the warmest and happiest moments of snuggle, as this cold weather heightens and persists. Our snow didn't stick, 'tis sad, but we'll surely get more as winter sheds its timidity and advances upon us with a libertine smile on its lips.

Filed under: love, personal 5 Comments

Hermes and the sunset.

The wind bites at the heels of clouds as they gracefully crest the distant rolling green. Behind the trees the sky blushes, turning the clouds to fire.

I think of the snow this morning, large, white, damp flakes that coated the world so briefly before melting. Inside and warm, Hermes and I dance to the steady beat of wordplay.

Filed under: photo, poetic No Comments

While we’re on the subject of pie …

I'd like you to take a moment and look at this google image search of "blackberry pie". Notice something? Not a single one of them look half as good as my pies. Some of them even tried to do a lattice crust, and the results were, frankly, rather sad. Amy says "pie duel!", to which I respond, "It's so on, dude!"

I am ten pie-ninjas.

Amy knows my super secret, (I'm too cool for surfer chicks) so it might be a close battle.

This week I'm ordering a digital projector to go with the home theater surround system that I bought yesterday. Once assembled, this set-up will shake worlds, decimate the minds of children, and annoy neighbors. And I'm so absolutely excited. Wanna come over and watch a movie?

Filed under: cinema, webcomics 1 Comment

The Life of Pie

I don't cook often, and that may be for the best. I'm not a bad cook, I'm just unmotivated. Besides, my talent has always lied more with baking. I believe I may have mentioned, previously, that not only did I make the BEST PIES IN THE UNIVERSE, but also that I had photographic proof. Well, behold! These were made from scratch, in case you had any doubt. And they taste divine.

Three cheers for blackberry pie goodness!

I hope you all had equally yummy treats over the holiday. 🙂

Filed under: photo 5 Comments