Three songs, a rant, and a very big fish.

So far today I’ve already had stuck in my head:

Fefe Dobson – Stupid Little Love Song

The Lovin’ Spoonful – Do You Believe In Magic?

Dr. Seuss – You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

I’ve got garlic in my soul, and it tastes delicious.

So I’m going to geek out on your for a second. If you have a high opinion of me as a man of culture, a refined individual of exceptional tastes, or a debonair superspy, then first I’d like to know what you’ve been smoking, and second, you might want to stop reading this right now. I’m proud of my geekdom, but I’d hate to ruin such ludicrously high opinions of me. They’re in short demand.

Anyway, so I was playing Icewind Dale 2 last night, until about one in the ay dot em dot, and aside from really liking it a whole lot, I remembered why I got so infuriated with the basic D&D system, back in the day when I was the uber-dork. In one word: casters. In two words, one hyphenated: low-level casters. Low-level casters in the D&D system get about 4 spells, per day. This means that, in extended dungeon crawls and larger, multi-part encounters, they either have to conserve their spells, and thus either: a) show off their exciting dagger-throwing skills, or b) show off their incredible melee skills, or c) examine flaws in the fighter’s technique while they clean their nails, making sure to loudly exclaim about various improvements the fighter could make after the fight is over. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget d) die quickly before they even get a chance to cast anything. The other option is that they can use their spells quickly (at least getting them off before option “d” occurs), and then sit around doing any of options “a” through “c”. Why on earth, I ask, would I want a caster who has to spend most of his time as a fifth-rate melee class?

They seem to have made some improvements in this regard, and perhaps it is entirely better later on in the game. But I am, and will always remain, sad that the better system never caught on. I was always a huge fan of Earthdawn (warning: ugly site). Earthdawn kicks ass and takes names. I haven’t played in a LONG time, but here are some of the traits I remember and appreciate:

Melee to hit and be hit was based on dexterity. Armor didn’t affect this except that heavy armor could reduce your dexterity roll. What armor did do was reduce the damage you took when you were hit. “Critical” hits were “armor-defeating” blows, thereby bypassing the armor damage reduction. I always thought that this melee system made a heck of a lot more sense. Similarly, dexterity gave you bonuses to hit, while strength gave bonuses to damage. Also more sensible.

Magic-using types begin with a pretty flush spellbook. Per level, they get a certain number of spell slots, so to speak, which are basically spells they have memorized. They can cast these spells over, and over, and over, and over, and over, to their heart’s content. Additionally, they can cast any spell in their entire lexicon at any time, though the ones that they don’t have actively memorized at the time are much more difficult to cast and require some additional checks.

Finally, add that melee don’t choose to just “attack”. Instead, they use an attack skill (of which there are many) to attack in a way they choose. Each skill is a little different, each class has different specialties, and it makes hack-and-slash oh-so-much more fun.

But enough about that. Earthdawn was one of the few systems (and I’ve tried many), where I enjoyed playing a fighter as much as a cleric as much as a rogue as much as a mage. The worlds and stories were interesting, and the roleplay was always easy and fun.

But back to Icewind Dale II. The combat is fast-paced and real-time, and I have a measure of difficulty controlling 4-6 characters in real-time when they’re all doing different things. Granted, it’s the only way to keep things running smoothly or the game would slow way down, but I do kind of pine for the old, turn-based system I grew up with. The tasks are fun, the story is interesting, and the voice-dialogue is well done. I’ll stick it out for awhile yet, but that whole spell-casting thing is a major thorn in my side. Oh well.

Thus ends my review, and rant. The rant is really more about D&D spell-casting systems than about Icewind Dale II. ID2 is fun. D&D, as the rpg medium, is a joke. Honestly, I’ll just never understand why Earthdawn didn’t take the table-top world by storm. No accounting for taste, I guess …

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Listen and sing along!

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
You really are a heel.
You’re as cuddly as a cactus,
You’re as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch.

You’re a bad banana
With a greasy black peel.

You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch.
Your heart’s an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders,
You’ve got garlic in your soul.
Mr. Grinch.

I wouldn’t touch you with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You’re a vile one, Mr. Grinch.
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Mr. Grinch.

Given the choice between the two of you
I’d take the seasick crocodile.

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch.
You’re a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk.
Mr. Grinch.

The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: “Stink. Stank. Stunk.”

You’re a rotter, Mr. Grinch.
You’re the king of sinful sots.
Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched
With moldy purple spots,
Mr. Grinch.

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled-up knots.

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch.
With a nauseous super-naus.
You’re a crooked jerky jockey
And you drive a crooked horse.
Mr. Grinch.

You’re a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich
With arsenic sauce.