Categories
love tech

Error Message

“I put yo’ bitch of a profile down, yo.
All your desktop are belong to us.”

The main IT guy out here takes a look at it,
has a bit of a confused look, says “Derrrr …”,
and then, “I have to go to a meeting now.”

And so everytime I go to a webpage, I get a error message popping up to say that the computer couldn’t find my desktop. Strangely enough, my IE favorites are still all there. Oh what a tangled wired world we weave, when first we practice to network shit. I could care less about my desktop, but the error messages are annoying, and in general I just like it when computers work properly.

This weekend I went up to PT for a little relaxation and fun. We walked around, hit the Antique Mall, went swing dancing(!), and all in all had a good time. It was nice to get away from O-town for a bit, and chill. And we didn’t get on each other’s nerves once! At least, I didn’t think so. It’s a measure of a strong relationship, I think, if you get along fine even when pulled out of your comfortable, or regular, environment. Relationships that get by on habit don’t work so well when you’re on the road.

I smoked too many cigarettes yesterday, and today I feel like shit. I’m going to quit smoking for indefinately. I like my lungs. I also drank too much yesterday (hazards of having the entire day off that your roommate also has off). I need to remove myself from this decadent lifestyle. I did, however, buy a bottle of Stroh 80, which I feel proud simply to have. It may take me years to drink it.

This girl is WAY too excited about her Stroh.

Categories
personal

The Brothers Ross

I was all set to play poker last night. My mind was a veritable fortress of bluffs, counter-bluffs, counter-counter-bluffs, and ummm … false exits. All their chip were going to belong to me. Then out of the blue, I get a phone call from my friend Benj, who I haven’t seen in like five years!!! And he was all like, hey we’re going to be in town tonight, and we should get together.

For a brief, frantic moment I was stumped. Did I dare to break the poker night tradition for a couple friends I’ve only known since the first grade? I was brave, I said yes, and we went out and enjoyed us some fine Guinness on St. Patty’s Day. It was damn nice to catch up, and to see them in a good space. They’re kicking ass with music (marimbas, lately) and having a ball up in Friday Harbor. I may get to hang with them a bit more tonight, before they head back north tomorrow morning.

I took them back to where they were crashing, and around 2:30 in the morning, declined my house for a better alternative, and slept in the arms of a beautiful woman. Sometimes, everything feels like it is right with the universe.

Categories
game news school

La Métro-Politesse

We spent all day on Sunday playing a board game. And by “all day”, I mean this game takes a good 12 hours from start to finish. We’ve had multi-day games happen before, but it’s never as exciting the next day, so now we try to start early and finish fast. I always tend to be the one trying to “move things along”, for some reason. I don’t have any/much German in me, so I can’t explain this need to facilitate.

Daniel came down to visit for a couple days, and Civ is our tradition, dating all the way back to early ’99. He was in China for a year, and now lives in Austin, so it’s been awhile. It was a great time, with some good guys and lots of beer (once again, Adam brought an excellent home-brew). Daniel stayed until this morning, and he got the full flavor of an Ahniwa slice-of-life: swing dancing, and music. I wish I didn’t work so close to the line (the line of financial ruin, that is) and could have taken some time off to visit with him more. Hopefully he didn’t feel cheated, but I did warn him that my life is frantically busy. Still, it was good to see him, and he’s coming back down for another weekend soon, so perhaps we’ll be able to catch up more then.

Sprint has stolen my soul and replaced it with cancer.
That’s right, I’m now cellular.

I like the service, but the prices screw you over unless you get a two-year contract, which seems a bit long for me. And evidently, if you cancel your contract early, Sprint is entitled to your first-born child and a yearly Christmas card. They can have the damn kid (had I one), but I suck at sending Christmas cards.

The first phone I got sucked.
But I’m getting a new one.

It’s like Eddie Izzard says, when you get a new technology, you expect it to be able to do everything for you. “I got this new thing, now I’ll never have to work or do anything myself ever again!” I don’t know why, but that’s what I expected from my cell phone (I even tried to cure a leper with it). Instead, the coolest thing I’ve gotten it to do so far is play the Cure whenever one of my friends calls me (which is, in fact, pretty cool). The funny thing is, I blame my phone’s failures at performing miracles on the particular phone I had, and not the technology in general. So when I get my new phone, I’ll go through this all over again, most likely (unless it actually can cure leprosy, I’ll let you know). Even if it fails at miracles, the new phone is silver and blue instead of just silver, and it’s got the whole walkie-talkie thing going for it, and a speakerphone, so I can just set the phone down and yell at the top of my voice (because that seems like it will annoy everyone around me even more, which is my goal as a new cell-phone user seeking revenge). I’ve joined the 21st century, and lo, there was much rejoicing. Thank you, Saint Sprint.

Gamespy has a first. A decent article. But you’d know that already if you read Penny Arcade. Which you should. The game itself looks neat. The concept is ground-breaking.

Also, with EA so big in the news lately, people should take a moment and read the EA Spouse transmission. I don’t know if such a thing is possible any longer in our EA-infested world, but I’m strongly considering boycotting them. This is old news, evidently, but it’s the first time I’d ever seen it. So I put here on the off-chance it’s the first time you’d ever seen it too.

Other news: McGill Application – Finished, Sent.
Yelm Job: I declined the interview. It was too far away.
Likeliness that I’ll still be in Oly this fall: 95%.

If you live in Washington, I hope you’re living through our pollen plague. Flowers are sure rude bastards. You don’t see me throwing my male gametes all over the place, do you? Do you!? No, and you don’t want to either. In honor of these plants being assholes, I’ve butchered the “Roses are red…” poem in a new and fun way.

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
keep your seeds to yourself,
I don’t gamete on you!

Yes, “gamete” is now a verb. Use freely.

–OHMYGODBECKYLOOKATHERPISTILITISSOBIG–

Categories
game work

Renegade dork hero

Things punk-ass kids say in the library that I overhear:

“How long have you been playing?”

“Oh, like four years.”

“Do you have a lot of good cards?”

“Yeah, I even have The Dark.”

“What’s that?”

It’s like, the first cards that came out.”

“I even beat the original Zelda. You know, on the N64.”

And I died a little bit, each time. Thus reconfirming my status as a renegade dork hero. And then one of the little prats tried to regenerate a goblin he had just sacrificed, and I was forced to step in. I’m not sure what they thought, some guy who was moments before quietly reading the shelves next to them, all of a sudden informing them that they were not playing the game correctly. I also explained that you could block with a creature, and then sacrifice it before damage was dealt, and the attacking creature would still be blocked, but would itself take no damage. They looked momentarily as though I’d grown horns.

It was great.

Categories
photo

Home Brew


Perceptive readers will note that we’ve moved from Adam’s pale ale to his stout. Looks good, don’t ya think? Posted by Hello

Categories
poetic

Micro-Fiction on hiatus for March

I have all the rest of my Saturdays off for this month, so I doubt I’ll be able to update as well (though I realize that it’s not a huge burden, really; just a lot when added on top of everything else). So, I’m putting the weekly micros on hiatus for the month of March. I’m going to try and dig up some more writer-types, so we can get a bigger turn-out, and thus more motivation for me. The next stories will be posted on April 9th, and I’ll put the subject up at least a week beforehand. Keep in mind that if you think of a subject you think would be interesting, feel free to email them to me at brieflies (at) gmail (dot) com. The last two subjects were suggested by someone else, and honestly it saves me from having to choose things I worry everyone will think are dumb.

We didn’t get any stories for the emo-music subject, which I blame on schedules more than anything (I personally had some good ideas for the topic, but no time to write them down). Hopefully this will be rectified somewhat if we get a larger author pool to draw from. Everyone have a good month, and I’ll catch ya in April.

– Ahniwa

Categories
cinema

If you tickle me, do I not laugh?

Brain wired to the nitro-detonator, thoughts fire jittery like a five-year-old waving a sawed-off 12-gauge. It’s the caffeine in my head, coffee in my head that was supposed to go down to my stomach and light a slow fire, and instead I got this incendiary thought-bomb, begging to implode outwards. My mind denies these little impossibilities. My fingers are tingling as I type this. Curse the temptation of a triple-short-caramel-latte. Mmmmmm. Curse th- Mmmmm. I think I need another.

————————

We drove up to stinky-town last night for to watch The Merchant of Venice at The Grand Cinema. At first I was like, “Oh shit, I have to turn my brain to ’11’.” My brain, at the time, was running at a solid ‘6’ and quite happy to be there. But I managed to turn it up to about ‘8’ or so, despite yawning a lot, and after a short time it was like Shakespeare had actually written the damned play in English. First off, Pacino does a bang-up job. He deserves a nomination for best supporting actor, despite the impossibility of him winning it. You go from hating him, to liking him, to hating him, to feeling sorry for him in the end, and after you’ve left the theater you feel a little angry that he can jerk you around so well. The other performances are equally well-done, if less outstanding.

I have two issues, however, with the story, or with this particular presentation of the story [bearing in mind I have not read the actual play, nor seen it performed elsewise (I made that word up, just now)]. Firstly, the movie does a poor job of showing why exactly Bassanio needs the 3000 ducats to win Portia’s hand. As this money is the crux of the conflict between Antonio and Shylock, the viewer deserves a better exposition of why this money was so important to Bassanio, and how precisely it aids him in winning Portia. Secondly, aside from the fact that she may have been born in the year of the monkey, and thus would be a naturally mischievous devil, I don’t understand Portia’s motivation to fool Bassanio, and torture him so. Granted, she takes the situation lightly and it ends well, but for her being so happy I can’t but feel that her devilry is a bit unwarranted, in testing her new husband so tricksishly. I can understand her masquerade in the first place, as a young civil scholar, as she wants to save the man who her husband holds in such high esteem. And in that, she does a fine job. That scene, the swing from Shylock as the revenging, angry jew who wields a righteous fury, to Shylock as a man with nothing, weeping on the floor as his world and his pride are taken from him, is deftly played and certainly moving. As a climax, however, it seems a bit quick, and as I was swayed into feeling pity for Shylock as his world was stripped bare, my sense of vindication, or that some great battle was won where good triumphed over evil, was lessened. My friend mentioned after the show that in reading the play, she had never felt pity for Shylock, and so I wonder if this was not a blunder in the interpretation of the story, or indeed if it was even intentional. Perhaps the director wanted to maintain this sense of uncertainty. Shylock, certainly, has his reasons to seek revenge, has had a lifetime of prejudice and mistreatment; and so while some of his actions are villainous, he is not in fact a villain, but just a man who is in the end on the losing side of a conflict over money.

The moral of the story: be merciful, for as Portia says, “mercy is “twice blest; / It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.” And if you have the chance to show mercy, and you do not, you’re going to get screwdeth over.

————————

And now for your moment of zen.

Categories
dance love personal

You close your eyes as I fall asleep

Mornings thin like paper the sun shines through,
too short and fragile and bright and young.
We wake up smiling, instinctually,
and feel skin against skin and warmth and birdsong,
and the sunlight makes motes against your face
through the blinds, and I trace with my eye the
strong features around your jawline.
You’re a stoic in the morning, before your eyes open,
carved from clay and light and flesh and fire,
and when your eyes open they burn holes through me.

Today I’m caught up in the sunshine, in this premature summer that’s graced our door, and the warmth of the colors of the grass and water and sky, and I’m caught up in watching great big puffballs of clouds patiently edge their way across the horizons. For them, life is nothing but the journey, and they may dissolve into light and air at any moment. We’re but ash and bone. Their beauty is intrinsically tied to their brevity. This doesn’t make it convulsive.

When I dance I think of you, and how limbs can tie together so thoroughly that they’ll never be untangled, like smiles, and how my hand feels on your back when the music goes slow and the world fades away to faces and voices, and we all just float. Sometimes I’m surprised by how solid things are, when the lights come back on and reality has its way again.

And sometimes I’m surprised by how much dreams persist.

Categories
love personal poetic

What archives are for

I blog because there’s a monster inside me, and he rips apart my insides.

I blog because I’ve got to let the air out.

I blog because sometimes I whisper in your ear as we lay together quietly in the mornings, and you’ve not yet awoken, and so I go unheard.

I blog because the sun is shining and I just look at it out the window.

I blog because I’m not an organ stop.

————

Flipping through the archives, remind me of those hot summer days and the way the cicadas made their thunder in the grass, of the tears and the sweat, all salty, mingled together and the palms that couldn’t seperate, like Shakespeare. Remind me of the words I spoke, and those writ, and what that all meant to me at the time; the world was coming to an end and I sailed off the edge of the map, and I remembered Sisyphus, and I called him uplifting. Theo responds, “I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.”

Sometimes I do both.

Remind me of the thunderstorms in Boulder, punctual little beasts of an hour’s length, i’ve just stopped in to make love to the mountains, and then i’ll be on my way, and how the sun shone after like it was preening, as if we’d never seen it before, like a child with a shiny new bike; and I wonder what the view is like above the clouds, now moving east past the peaks.

Remind me of how I got here, and why. And somehow everything seems so clear now, as though the veil were lifted and my purpose laid bare to the universe, nackt vor der Welt. As though I’ve waited for this, culmination of all the wishes I’ve ever made on stars (a thousand stars over a thousand nights), and now I’m lost in them. If they ever wished on me, I grant the stars their dreams.

Remind me that life is here and now and good.

Remind me that this has always been true;

that it always will be.

Categories
poetic

I am hungry of your laughter slide

Soneto XI – Pablo Neruda

Tengo hambre de tu boca, de tu voz, de tu pelo
y por las calles voy sin nutrirme, callado,
no me sostiene el pan, el alba me desquicia,
busco el sonido líquido de tus pies en el día.

Estoy hambriento de tu risa resbalada,
de tus manos color de furioso granero,
tengo hambre de la pálida piedra de tus uñas,
quiero comer tu piel como una intacta almendra.

Quiero comer el rayo quemado en tu hermosura,
la nariz soberana del arrogante rostro,
quiero comer la sombra fugaz de tus pestañas

y hambriento vengo y voy olfateando el crepúsculo
buscándote, buscando tu corazón caliente
como un puma en la soledad de Quitratúe.

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

(not sure who did this translation)

I am hungry of your mouth, your voice, your hair
and by the streets I go without nourishing itself,
shut up, does not maintain the bread to me, the dawn disturbs,
I look for the liquid sound to me of your feet in the day.

I am hungry of your laughter slide,
of your hands color of furious barn,
am hungry of the pale stone of your nails,
I want to eat your skin like an intact almond.

I want to eat the ray burned in your hermosura,
the sovereign nose of the arrogant face,
want to eat the fleeting shade of your eyelashes

and hungry I come and I am smelling the twilight buscándote,
looking for your hot heart
like puma in the solitude of Quitratúe.

(ahhh, Babelfish…)

Categories
love personal poetic work

Rhymes with “fava”

… and lava, and java, and guava, and brava, and kava. It’s kind of suprising how many things rhyme with bava, if you think about it. Of course, “bava” may not technically be a word (Dictionary.com doesn’t recognize it), so I may be cheating. But just maybe.

First, my abject apologizies for my sloth-ee bloggerness lately. I’m a mean and horrible person and should be divested of all my joys and successes. Or perhaps you’ll simply say, “Meh, whatever, I just read this sheit ’cause I get bored at work,” and I can happilly move along with my life, and all its little joys and successes can remain intact. Your call, folks. My eternal well-being is now in your hands. Be gentle.

So why have I been so reticent, of late? I blame it on the entire female gender, but could probably narrow it down to one woman in particular, if I really put an effort into it. Which I won’t. So, really it all started with Eve (if you go for that “Garden of Eden” creation thing), and the problem just sort of ballooned from there. And honestly, this whole “female gender” problem, or rather, this one woman who takes up all my time, is entirely worth every second, and I’m having the best time. Ever. So, really, I don’t regret for a minute (maybe 43 seconds or so, though) my blog-slackitude. Rest assured that if there were 96 hours in each day, I would most certainly devote at least 2 of them entirely to blogging, as I really do enjoy it quite a bit. As there are only 24 in each day, I end up with 2 hours every 4 days, and that will just have to do. For now.

But I’ve been loving writing the micro-fiction every week. I hope you have been enjoying reading them. I spoke with my friend Joseph, who’s the most prolifically creative person I know, and he may start submitting some micros, and get some friends in on it as well, so we may get quite the creative upswing soon in that department. I’m quite excited. Quite.

In other news, we had our poker night last night. Since I had to be at work by 8 this morning, I wasn’t too excited about playing for long, and thus was the first to get knocked out. If you’re not feeling poker, you’ll lose. This seems to be a logical fact. Anyway, our friend Adam brought some home brew over, and we listened to some good music, and had our guy’s night and rollicked (very manly rollicking, mind you) and it was good. I took a metric snapton of photos, and glancing at them this morning, some turned out pretty good, so I’ll throw some up here as soon as I get the opportunity.

Finally, and this is also a reason I’ve been a bit too busy to blog, I applied for a new job as a “Community Library Assistant I” at the Timberland Library in Yelm. It’s a bit of a drive, but the job is full-time with benefits and decent if not stupendous pay, so I think it will be fully worth it. More importantly, it seems like a really solid position where I could learn a lot and get some very valuable experience. It was an internal-only posting in the Timberland system, and I fit the qualifications well, so it’s time to cross those fingers again and see what happens. I figure that if Theo got his new job (which he did), then I can get mine.

Have fun kickin’ it oldschool. You know I am.

Categories
cinema dance

Bava, existential detective

I heart the movie “I Heart Huckabees”. Seriously. I know it’s been said before, and it this point it’s already cliche, but I just saw it for the first time last night after an unfortunate and expensive trip to Best Buy, and damned if I’m not allowed to say that I heart it at least once!

So back in early January I looked on IMDB and checked out when cool DVDs were going to be released. The reply was a loud, “FEBRUARY!” And yet, being broke, throughout February I managed to avoid Best Buy, and its wiles and wares. Yet yesterday I had to go to the mall to get my hair cut, since the guy downtown took February off (lucky him), which has a Best Buy attached to it. So, after an expensive haircut, albeit by a very cute and friendly blonde who did a fine job, I walked outside and felt the irresistable lure of fresh DVD calling my name. I walked out with the special edition of “I Heart Huckabees“, the director’s cut of “Donnie Darko“, the Disney release (ugh, but still) of “Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind“, and “Chicago“. I don’t regret buying any of them, but my wallet does. But then, it worries about stupid stuff, like paying rent and eating food. What a stiff.

So, we watched I Heart Huckabees, and it was fantastic. If you’ve an existential or philisophical bone in your body, I think you’ll like it too. It reminds me of Wes Anderson’s work in that even at its most dramatic points, it never takes itself too seriously. And I can’t count the number of times I laughed out loud.

Have you ever crashed your bicycle into someone on purpose, and sent them flying literally thousands of meters, while your friends were lined up in a big, long row waiting to see if the guy you sent flying will land on or near them, so they can boot him back into the air and improve your distance? Yeah … well, ever done it in Japanese? I didn’t think so.

Have you ever performed the title song to “Singin’ in the Rain”, robot style? These things only happen in VW Commercials. Nice tagline, too. “The original, updated.”

As you can read on the Kottke site, it’s the same guy that did the Kollaboration video, which surely everyone and their step-niece has seen by now. That guy just blows my mind in a serious way. I mean … whoa.

And now for your moment of zen.

Categories
humor poetic

Bring Me A Dream

Two of my friends are down in Centralia today, doing some vintage clothes and antique shopping. They decided to go because they had both noticed, seperately, that the shopkeepers at these stores in Centralia are decidedly zombie-esque, and thought they could make a good day of both bargain and zombie hunting.

The names in the story are actually their really zombie-hunting aliases, at least for the day. So in a sense, this is all based on a true story … almost.

Oh, and I just threw in the robot thing to conform to Brief Lies standards. But I think it worked out pretty well. Also, Lee really does drive a Montclair. It’s pretty. On to the story. Enjoy.

————————

Bring me a dream
-Ahniwa Ferrari

Megan looked at the barren town over the rims of her sunglasses, eyeing the shop-fronts warily. A small cloud of dust rose from the street as her partner, D-Rock, pulled the car to a stop alongside the abandoned curb. The door of the Montclair swung open easily, and as she stepped out onto the sidewalk, a gust of wind blew against her face and pulled against the wide brim of her hat. D-Rock swung his door shut and walked up to stand next to her. He held out both hands, offering her a choice between the shotgun and the baseball bat.

“Such a gentleman,” she said, laughing, and took the bat. Today she preferred getting a little down and dirty.

D-Rock lowered his shades and eyed her up and down. Satisfied, he smiled. “Let’s rock this apocalypse.”

Megan gripped the bat, feeling its weight. She smiled back. “Let’s rock it twice.”

Having completed their mantra, they turned to the first antique shop on the street. Though outside the sun was bright like a spaghetti western, through the window the shop looked like it was covered in dusk. Old lamps rested fitfully, clothes hung on rusted wire hangers, and box upon box of old records lined one of the walls. They couldn’t see any movement inside, but that didn’t mean anything. They were used to this gig by now.

D-Rock lined up by the door and Megan stepped in front. As he began to nod to her, her foot was already through the door, cracking the frame and knocking it off one hinge. He raised an eyebrow at her, grinned a little, and pushed it open the rest of the way.

“Not bad for a Viscountess.”

“Yes. Well it’s not all social dancing and finishing school.”

“I guess not. Damn.”

He chuckled as she entered the shop, shook his head slightly, and followed her in, shotgun up and ready as his eyes adjusted to the murky light. They proceeded slowly, eyeing every garment and item suspiciously for movement. Megan sniffed the air, scowling.

“It doesn’t smell like death in here. Something’s wrong.”

“Maybe somebody already came? Did the job?”

“Don’t be daft. We’re the only zombie-hunters in the Northwest right now.”

“What about Dahlia and – oh right … they died.”

“They always were a bit careless. We’re not. Still, I don’t like this.” Megan frowned into the dark, rear of the shop. “This is the Viscountess Megan W. O’Leontiv the Second, and my partner Double Rock Apocalypse. If there are zombies in here, come out so I can knock your fucking heads off.”

“Language…”

“I can’t be a lady all the time. Not in this line of work.”

A sudden movement from behind the counter took them both by surprise. A man bobbed up and down slightly behind the register, the skin on his face half-rotted off. A few broken teeth hung limply from his gums as he opened his mouth and tried to form a word. The only word zombies seemed to know, “B … rrrrrrr … aaaaaiiiiiiiiii … nnnnnnnn … sssssssss.”

D-Rock pumped his shotgun and took aim, but too late. Megan’s bat was a blur as it swung through the air and struck with a sound, slightly metallic “THUNK” against the side of the zombie’s head. The head ripped off from the force, sending wires and bolts flying, and then glass as it crashed through the window and rolled onto the street outside. Sparks sputtered out from the vacuous neck-hole, and metal wires waved about like errant tentacles. Out on the street, the head mumbled another half-hearted “B…rr…a…….iiiii…eeeeeee-” and went silent.

“FUCK! Fucking hell! I knew it smelled wrong, D. It’s one of those fucking amusement park towns, forgotten about and abandoned, and they left all their little gadgets and toys here to rot.”

“So no zombies?”

“Nope. Nobody to zombify. Just a bunch of robots.”

“Well, fuck.”

“You said it. Let’s get out of here. Hey, what are you doing?”

“We’re here, we might as well make the most of it. Hey, check it out, a Chordettes LP.”

“Yeah, great. Bring me a dream. Oh hey, nice shoes …”

Categories
dance personal

Squared, Cubed, and Tikied

We were scheduled to meet the ladies at the Fenix Underground at 10:15. Being that we had to kick some ass at darts, and then finish our Guinness, and then wait to get money out of the ATM (I had done this before heading up to Seattle, but I guess no one else had thought ahead), we didn’t get there until about 10:45.

Fenix Underground is big. Big and in my opinion, pretty classy. Everyone in there seemed to be having a good time, and it wasn’t too packed, at least that early in the evening. We entered on ground level, and then went down the stairs. Having never been there before, I just tried to keep someone I knew in sight so that I didn’t get lost, abandoned and killed in some Seattle back-alley. Downstairs the music was pumping, there were light shows on every wall, and as people danced their shadows played in the light. It’s as much fun to watch silhouettes dance as it is people. We met up with our female cohorts, who had evidently had to put up with some unwanted male advances before we’d arrived, but who’d been having a grand old time without us nonetheless. Still, they were happy to see us, us them, and we immediately jumped out on the dance floor and got our respective grooves on. My groove goes a little like, “Bom-bom-bam-chica-chica-bom-chica-bom-bom-bam-bidda-bidda-bam-bidda-bom-bom-bop”. You know, but not in a porn music sort of way, which the word/sound “chica” always seems to invoke. Having practiced “dropping it like it’s hot”, I shook my bootie, to everyone’s delight, and we had a grand time.

I’d never been to a club with a date. I’d never really danced with a girl I liked outside of structured partner dancing (swing, tango, salsa etc). And frankly, I didn’t really like club dancing that much, until I had someone to do it with, and it became a whole lot more fun. I can see now how people pair up at clubs, if only because it’s a lot more fun to dance WITH someone than by yourself, and the tension can get sexual very quickly. I also think it’s the least constructive way to meet people ever, seeing as how you have no idea if you have anything in common other than you like to go grind it every now and then. But I guess for some, that doesn’t matter so much as what they got and how they can move it.

We spent a little over an hour at the Fenix, all told, which passed quickly. Then some of the girls wanted to move on, seeing as how we’d payed for an all-club pass, why stay at one? I would have been perfectly content staying there. I figure if you’re having a good time, why leave? But we left, anyway, and went to Tiki Bob’s. It sucked. The place was packed, so that walking from the entrance to a place to dance took five minutes, threading through hot sweaty people who either looked like they were wearing too much make-up or too much testosterone. Then we tried dancing, but kept getting bumped by people passing through the crowd. All the guys were wearing tight shirts and had very serious looks on their faces, as if by looking constipated they might attract a mate. The girls were, for the most part, in short halter-top style outfits and tight pants, sporting painted-on characterless faces and a frenzied need to exhibit gleaming in their eyes. If you can’t tell, I was a bit freaked out by the place, but tried to ignore the surroundings and just dance with the people I was with, which worked to a tolerable extent.

We didn’t stay there long, thankfully. Twenty to thirty minutes later we escaped into the crisp night air, breathed thankfully, and bought some really expensive sausages from a vendor set to rake in the dough from all the late-night partiers. We discussed going to another club, something to do with cowgirls (evidently someone wanted to ride the mechanical bull). But feet were sore, people were tired, it was after two in the morning, and we decided to call it a night. But not before we decided we’d hit Denny’s on the way home. Something I wasn’t ecstatic about, but I had four other people in the car I was driving, and by the time we got there some coffee and sugar to keep me awake was sounding very tempting. Better to be wired than dead on the side of the road, I always say. So we stopped about a half-hour south of Seattle, piled out of the car, and tumbled into Denny’s. Our other group met us there, and we sat around for a solid half-hour before our food got to us. You’d think that Denny’s management would realize that they’re going to get a crowd piling in just after two on a Saturday night / Sunday morning, but they seemed oblivious. So we were stuck with one, not overly competent server (he didn’t do too badly, really) serving about ten tables with a combination of about forty people. In a restaurant where everyone wants full coffee all the time, that’s not a good combination.

I chowed on my coffee and apple pie a la mode (I told you I wanted coffee and sugar), and felt much more awake afterwards, if slightly loopy. We chowed, we payed, we left, as often happens in Denny’s, and made our way back to Olympia without further adventure.

I doubt I’ll go up to Seattle every weekend to hit a club, but I did have a blast and I wouldn’t mind doing it again. Olympia has its share of clubs, but the best ones are all gay clubs, and sometimes it’s nice to get out of Dodge and try something new. Still, the nice thing about partying in Oly is that once the evening has wound its way down, you don’t have to drive an hour to get home. Thank god for Denny’s ….

Categories
dance personal

Pioneer, squared

So Saturday night we went up to Seattle, to Pioneer Square, to go to clubs and cause a ruckus. We succeeded admirably, I feel.

Two of my friends and I rode up together a little late, since I didn’t get off work until 6. We got to Seattle a bit after 8:00, and met our gang at the New Orleans for some good company and spicy jambalaya. We had to blow the joint before 9:00 because John Lee Hooker Jr was playing there, and they were charging an exorbitant cover to stay and listen. We had other plans, anyway.

The guys went to the Owl ‘N Thistle for some darts and Guinness. Which, of course, was Theo’s and my plan (mostly Theo), since we were really the only ones playing darts. I think all the guys had a good time, anyway. So Theo and I were playing a game of 501, and these two guys who had been watching us for awhile came up to me and asked if they could have the board when we’re done with our game. I had no idea how to respond, because the nice guy in me wants to get plowed over and say “Hey sure, of course” but really I didn’t want to give up the board yet because they only have the one real dart board and we had just started playing. So I stammered a bit, and then turned to Theo and asked him how he felt about trading off on games, and he turned to them and responded, “How about we play you for it.” And I was like, ooOooOoh, challenge. So Theo and I finished up our game, let the other pair warm up a bit whilst we sized up their skills, and started with a game of 501.

We maintained a good 50-100 point lead throughout the game, all the way down until Theo dropped us to 6 points and I started mad as hell trying to hit the damned double-3. And so they caught up, and the one guy of the two that didn’t seem as good knocked it down to 14 on his first dart, and then hit double-7 and his next. And we were like “W-T-F MATE!?”, but instead we said “Good game” and shook their hands. So after that we played a game of Cricket (the darts version, of course). They had a fairly solid lead on us the entire game, though thanks to Theo we managed to close our bulls early, while I caught us up on most of the other numbers. In the end, they had about 87 points, and we had around 17. They only needed one bull to win, and we needed three. The suspense was high. I got one single bull, which bumped us up to 43. We still needed two more. They missed, then Theo missed, then they missed again. My turn up. First dart flew low and to the right, smacking into the heart of 2. No good. I breathed, lined up, let fly, turned around and said “Good game” with a big smile on my face. My dart stuck smack in the middle of the double-bull, bumping us up to 93 and the win. We may not have kicked their asses in a major way, but I can’t think of a more satisfying victory.

So yesterday we cleared our garage a bit, moved the drum-set, and are ready to start throwing the darts around some more. We need a new board, and I could use some new darts, but Theo and I were both thinking that it would be a lot of fun to enter some local tournaments, either singles or doubles. My competetive edge likes to stomp opponents into the dust, and all the more if they’re strangers. And granted, I’m not that great at darts (yet), but riding off that double-bull win I feel like I could be. Besides, it’s fun as hell.

After the game, we finished our Guinness, and went to the Fenix Underground to meet our lovely ladies and do some dancing. Details to come.

Categories
news poetic

Fear and Loathing in Colorado

Farewell, Hunter S. Thompson. Thanks for changing the art of journalism. And, as is said here, being in a sense the patron saint of blogging.

You can find quite a bit more info here.

Categories
humor webcomics

Comicular Hilariousis

Every once in a while, a comic strip comes along and you’re like, “WOW!” And then other times, it’s more like, “OooOoooooh…”.

But sometimes, it’s more like “W-T-F Mate!?

Even so, I say: flippin’ hilarious.

Categories
humor poetic

Microfiction #4: A well

Three seems to be the lucky number, when it’s not one like last week. I particularly enjoyed the submissions this week. A giant thanks to everyone who contributed!

Next week’s topic is: Robots

Enjoy the stories. Catch ya next week!

————————

Untitled
Emily Jindra

“I don’t make wishes,” Lana said matter-of-factly, true to her usual inflection. “My father had a saying. ‘If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.’ My father was a very wise man.”

They passed the fountain that provided the pigeons of the park with a 24-hour birdbath and doubled as a wishing well to the city’s superstitious demographic. Each morning the two women walked past it on their way to work, and Maggie, the younger of the two, would toss in a coin and a tacit supplication to some unknown mystical force. The God of the Wishing Well. “I hate that saying,” she thought to herself on this particular morning, digging her hands into her pockets in the hope that she might make another offering. All she found was lint.

“It’s not like I’m tossing coins into the well and thinking seriously that the hand of fate will retrieve them and cause the wishes to come to fruition. It’s just…” Maggie searched for the words that would justify this frivolous action to her friend. She knew it was a lost cause even before she started to speak, but she tried anyway. Lana was someone who trimmed her fingernails three times a week, counted out a hundred hair brush strokes each night before bed, didn’t play cards, and never drank to excess. Frivolity was not a word in her vernacular. “Haven’t you ever wished that things had gone differently? Haven’t you ever wanted to feel the grass under your bare feet in the dead of winter? Don’t you dream?” Agitation was registering in Maggie’s voice and she cut herself off before she offended her friend.

Lana quickened her pace, pulled her collar close around her neck against the cold, and pursed her lips before making her reply. “No,” she said after a moment’s thought, but it wasn’t a convincing answer. The two walked the rest of the short route in silence.

The question repeated itself in her mind all day at work, like a needle skipping over the same broken record track again and again and again. “Don’t you dream? Don’t you dream? Lana. Lana. Don’t you dream?” The copy machine churned out a rythym that gave a sickening sense of life to this phrase that had taken residence at the front of her consciousness. At five o’clock she put her coat on once again, headed back to her studio apartment, and went to sleep.

When she woke it was past midnight. Lana hadn’t been outside past midnight for ages, but on this night she got up, dressed, and fumbled around in the dark for her purse. Once the bag was found she stepped carefully down the stairs to the front door. When she got to the well she had a coin in hand.

“I…” She looked around to make sure she was alone. The pigeons were her only audience, but her tone was hushed anyway. “I wish that tonight, I would dream.”

————————

The Well
Theo Porter

Jose Cuervo meandered down the side of the road, his thumb in the air. The dusty desert highway rolled out in front of and behind him and on either side tall cacti mocked his desperate hand motions. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to survive another day like this, out on the road with no water. The bandolier he wore around his shoulder was starting to chafe but there was no getting around that. Being hired for a job means seeing it through to the end and there wasn’t any getting out of this one.

His left hand jerked up again at the distant sound of a car engine. He fingered the leather strap that kept his 45 Schofield in its holster around his waist. The car was a candy apple red convertible driven by a luscious brunette who he could barely see in the broiling sunlight as she approached at top speed. It skidded to a full stop on the gravely pavement, missing his knees by mere inches. Without a word, he got in, making sure to keep the edge of his duster over the gun. Together they drove on down the road.

A small village appeared out of nowhere and again, the brunette skidded the car to a stop in the middle of the town. There was no one, anywhere. The town was completely empty and void of life. Tumbleweed blew down the board sidewalk in front of the saloon. Still dying of thirst, Cuervo sauntered over to the town well, lifting the bucket to his lips and taking a draught. He kept his shifty eyes on everything that moved, which wasn’t all that much. He knew this was the place but his target didn’t seem to be anywhere around.

Cuervo knew he’d been shot before the report reached his ears. A sharp pain went through his chest, just below his left shoulder. He knew instantly that his heart had been torn through and wouldn’t work much longer. Taking shallow breaths, he turn, using the lip of the well for support. The brunette was sitting up on the back of the car, a smoking rifle lazily resting in her hands. Cuervo started to laugh.

She stood and hopped out of the car, landing lightly on her feet with a slight bend of the knee. She walked coyly over to the now convulsing cowboy. She grabbed his collar and lifted him to his now useless legs as if he were a feather. His moustache twitched as he smelled her cheap perfume on the dirty wind. She leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. With that, his body slumped against hers, all of the life draining from it in a pool of blood at his feet. Deftly, the woman toppled Cuervo head over heels into the well and stood with her hands on her hips looking down into the murky blackness. Satisfied he was gone, she turned and drove off into the scorching afternoon heat.

————————

Wishing Well
Ahniwa Ferrari

“Hey, guess what!”

“Didn’t I ask you to stop following me an hour ago? Scram!”

“Where ya goin’?”

“None of your beeswax. Now get lost before I tell mom about how you like to climb around on the roof.”

“No way! I’d get in trouble! Besides, then I’d have to tell her about how I seen you sneak out the window to go kiss Angie near the pond.”

“You don’t sleep enough, ya know? Fine. Just be quiet, okay? You really are a pain.”

“Where we goin? Hey, you never guessed what!”

“Alright. What?”

“Chicken butt!”

“You suck. I swear you were adopted. From aliens.”

“Was not!”

“Whatever. Be quiet. We’re almost there.”

“Where?”

“Ssshhhh.”

“Hey, what’s that?”

“It’s a well, Einstein.”

“What’s it doing out here in the middle of the woods?”

“Dunno. I think there used to be a house out here or something.”

“Huh. Is this where we were going?”

“We’re here, aren’t we? Now be quiet and pull up the rope.”

“What for? What ya gonna do?”

“I’m goin’ down there, that’s what. Stop asking so many stupid questions.”

“But what’s down there?”

“George Bee told me that it used to be an old bandit hideout, and that they stashed their loot there. But then the cave collapsed on them, and they got caught inside and all suffocated to death.”

“Whoa.”

“Did you get that rope pulled up yet? Good. You might be worth something after all.”

“You really goin’ down there?”

“Don’t be such a chicken-shit. It’s just a well.”

“But it’s dark! How far down does it go?”

“To the bottom. Duh. I brought a flashlight. Look, it’s rigged so that even you should be able to help lower me down. Just pull and don’t let go.”

“But you didn’t want me to come. How were you gonna get down there without me!?”

“George was supposed to show up. I figured he’d skip out. I bet he’s down near the mill with Angie right now.”

“But I thought –“

“Yeah, well you think too much. Stop it, will ya? Once I find this loot, no way Angie will like that clown more than me. You ready?”

“But what if –“

“Shut up and hold on to the lever. Here I go.”

“…”

“Hey Ben? … Ben? … Hey Ben, how ya gonna get back up?”

Categories
humor montreal school

Guerilla warfare is for monkeys

And monkeys are awesome, so it’s all good.

I think we all need to do more stuff like this.
Imagine the possibilities.

Tickle-Me Elmos could stop giggling and start screaming “Bad touch! Bad touch!” to teach kids that it’s okay to speak out against their local priest. The Pee-Wee Herman doll could make lewd comments about how much he likes it when you pull his cord. But nothing’s quite as good as a G.I. Joe doll idly wondering, “Will I ever have enough clothes?” Thanks to Kevin for the link.

So I’ve been in absolute la-la land lately. A lot of those “complications” I mentioned in a previous entry have worked themselves out, and I’ve been having a blast. Last night I cooked borscht for the first time, and it actually turned out pretty well! Granted, we cheated a bit and used a food chopper device, which made the beets a little more minced than I would have liked, but the end product was superb. We sucked that down with some red wine and some warm bread, cleansed our pallettes with a raspberry liqueur (which was heavenly, oh my god), and watched a couple movies. Everyone had left after the first movie, and so just the two of us were left to snuggle through Gods and Monsters, which saw us both passed out within a half-hour. So I guess I can’t say I really watched it. But the first half-hour seemed quite interesting!

Something which may surprise some, dismay or anger others. I’ve pretty much decided that if I get accepted to McGill that I’ll defer for a year, during which time I’ll also apply to the University Of Washington’s MLIS program (which I was too late for this year, unfortunately). McGill would be awesome, and Montreal looks fantastic, but ya know … I gotta see about a girl. It’s not an easy decision, and nothing’s written in stone yet, but for now I feel like putting grad school back a year and perhaps not doing it in Montreal is a smaller sacrifice than letting this amazing woman possibly slip away. Hey, it’s a surprise to me too!

As Theo‘s mentioned, tonight we’re going up to Seattle for a bit of club-hopping. They have a deal in Pioneer Square where you can get a club pass (7 clubs) for $12. Not bad! We’re gonna start out with some grubbin’ at The New Orleans, a place I mentioned previously when I went up to Seattle with Christine and met some great swing-dancers, and then the guys are gonna swing over to The Owl ‘N Thistle for to take advantage of their nice dart boards and fine brews. Then who knows what the night may bring. I’ll be sure to let you know.

That’s it for now. I’m gonna go try and write a micro.

And now your moment of zen.

Categories
dance

Caught in a state of bliss

Woo, so our dance performances went great! The routine has a lot of spunk and character (it’s a valentine’s dance to “Tainted Love”, or course it has character!), and we all pulled it off with panache. Our backflips weren’t the most dynamic ever, but were landed without incident both nights. It’s really interesting to have someone trust implicitly that you can flip their body mass over backwards and not more than chest height and land them back on their feet. The follow’s only responsibility, really, is to jump hard, straight up, and keep her legs together. The lead does everything else. The left arm is a support at their upper back, around which they revolve. The right arm comes up as the follow is jumping in the upper-leg region, and pushes her up and around. It’s all a real trip to me, and despite having done it successfully multiple times now, without much difficulty, it still somehow seems like it shouldn’t be possible. I was thinking about having Adam see if he could backflip me, because I’m curious what the experience is like from the follow’s perspective (quite scary, I hear) and I feel a smidge guilty that I expect someone to do something that I’ve never tried. On the other hand, I weigh significantly more than all the follows on the team, so I certainly don’t feel too bad about it.

We’ve got it all on video, both performances. I’m going to try and transfer them to digital, and then maybe I’ll post them here for your viewing pleasure. They’re a lot of fun to watch. The crowds both nights were also very receptive, which was awesome. We put a lot of work into learning these, for a fairly short, non-lucrative (read, no money at all) pay-off. So it’s nice when people enjoy watching them. I like learning the routines just for myself, to gain a sense of choreography, musicality, and to learn new moves and stunts. Not to mention the swing team is, generally, a lot of fun to hang out with. Even so, I don’t think it would be half as fun if we didn’t get to show off every other month or so, to a throng of adoring fans. I don’t have any groupies yet, but I expect them to start calling any day now.

I’ll try to be more interesting later. Maybe post something funny. Until then, I recommend you read Theo’s blog today. The man turns a good phrase, you know?

While you’re there, oggle how pretty I made his blog.