Categories
humor internet tech

Office Supply Trebuchet

Office warfare? Need to lay siege to the marketing department? Does someone keep stealing your soda from the staff fridge? Get revenge with your very own trebuchet. Fashioned from common office supplies, it’s a formidable weapon at ranges of up to four feet. Use a can of soda as bait to lure them closer.

While you’re there, be sure to poke around further on the Instructables site. It’s well worth it. If you want to bring your arsenal into the 21st century, be sure to check out these USB air darts. To think we grew up in an age where all we had to fire at each other were rubber bands.

Bonus educational reading: Wikipedia article on trebuchets.

Categories
humor internet

Real(freaky)dolls

Salon has an interesting and completely safe for work article (as much as reading about sex dolls can be safe for work) about Realdolls, and more expansively about our historical tendancy towards nonreproductive sexual activity.

“Non-reproductive sex seems to have been a part of the human sexual repertoire from the time of our divergence from our common primate ancestor,” asserts Taylor. “Human sexuality is more a cultural phenomenon than a biological drive.”

For a less serious commentary on the Realdoll phenomenon, check out today’s Questionable Content strip.

Categories
humor music

As the sky falls

Pandora plays my “Zero 7 Radio” at a quiet reference desk, one earbud in as I watch the rain fall outside and wonder what the spam email I just got means by “trombone Asian-American”.

The email continues with such gems as:

CAN BIGN HAVE YOU SPEEDING PAST OTHER TRADERS LIKE A ROADRUNNER ON STEROIDS?

THE ALERT IS ON!!! DO YOUR DUE DILIGENCE!!

(and at the end) WARNING: You can lose all your money by investing in this stock.

In the sense of poetry as original language, I think that a great deal of spam email qualifies. I’m well-aware that many people take their spam email and create projects from it (spamusement, spam poetry, etc). Almost all my spam email comes to my work address, and as such a lot of it gets filtered, but even so I find that it’s some of my favorite email I receive on my work account. Would you rather know that your softball team got beat by 11 points, again, or sit and think about what a “trombone Asian-American” might be?

Me too.

Categories
humor webcomics

“BioDiesel Sweeties” by 2010.

R. Stevens says that one of his definitions of satisfaction is “writing a phrase which makes me laugh, reads coherently and does not show up in google”.

As a consequence, I have to say one of my definitions of satisfaction is reading those phrases.  Diesel Sweeties is certainly a top competitor for webcomic with the most original dialogue.  The only other webcomic author that comes to mind on the same level is Chris Onstad of Achewood.  But Sweeties is more quotable out of context.

From today’s comic: “I entered this world fully formed and without precedent.”

Random previous quotes:

“I’m two steps ahead of you and both of them are whiskey.”

“Go snikt yourself.”

“I’m not short.  I prefer to think there is simply more space above my head for word balloons full of devastatingly pithy witicisms.”

“The internet is fine for sex, but I like my music up close and personal.”

“Winners fondue.  Losers fondon’t.

Categories
cinema humor

“Looks exhausting.”

If you enjoyed The Big Lebowski, and I hope you did, you might be interested in reading Todd Alcott’s interpretation of what the movie is about.

The dude abides.  Dudes…

Categories
humor personal

Monkeyshine

Dear Science,

Thank you for confirming for me that somewhere in the world, right now, there is probably a monkey getting drunk. It means a lot to me.

Warm regards,

Ahniwa

Categories
game humor internet

Mr. Gnomely

Some people have too much time on their hands. Which is great, because it means they can make awesome WoW videos.

Categories
humor poetic

Word of the Day

Crotchfruit
n.  A derogatory term for children coined by staunch advocates of child-free public spaces. Breeders (aka parents) have now embraced the epithet and call the anti-crotchfruit zealots the real crybabies.

– from Wired magazine’s Jargon Watch

(with apologies to my friends who have crotchfruit of their own … or on the way)

Categories
humor poetic

Poem of the Day

I Left My Head
by Lilian Moore

I left my head
somewhere
today.
Put it down for
just
a minute.
Under the
table?
On a chair?
Wish I were
able
to say
where.
Everything I need
is
in it!

Categories
humor internet poetic

Distracted

I was going to write a brief post mentioning poetryfoundation.org, which is a massive poetry website from the Poetry Foundation in Chicago that includes handy searching tools, but then I got distracted by all the other neat stuff on Design Observer, as well as by a crazy guy doing guerilla-style video-posts, and of course by bee-keeping (and the related Eddie Izzard skits that clutter my mind).

It’s Saturday. It’s sunny. I’m inside, at work, and easy distractable. Go figure.

But there you are, poetry. Now, onward to more distractions!

Categories
cinema humor news

“I am not afraid.”

During a recent interview, director Werner Herzog was shot in the leg. He continued the interview, quietly bleeding, and said:

“It was not a significant bullet. I am not afraid.”

I don’t think you can get more fucking badass than that. I hope I can be that tough when I’m 63.

(yahoo news uk)

Categories
humor webcomics

It’s got cake. And, umm … ponies.

With a tagline like “We have only the YOUNGEST ponies eating the hottest chocolate CAKE!”, CAKE PONY feels like it should be NSFW. But really, there isn’t anything objectionable there. You’re just going to feel dirty. Other than that, I’m really not sure what to make of CP; I just know somehow I’m strangely drawn to it. It’s got a bizarre, surreal charm, and at the least, it’s certainly unique. (link via Lore)

Fairly unrelated except that it posts once a week and is focused on its own brand of odd animal, the Secret Crocodile Adventure Club is one of my favorite secret adventure clubs. You’ll get the most out of it if you join the mailing list (you’ll get one email a week and no more, on Saturdays, which is a nice day to get email). Stig’s ravings, via the most honorable Archcroc V, are consistently chortle-worthy.

Categories
humor internet

Irony is not dead.

There’s not a whole lot to say about Subversive Cross Stitch, really. I think the site pretty much speaks for itself. If you’re easily offended, you probably shouldn’t look at it. But I hope you’re not, because I think it’s one of the greatest things ever. (from dooce)

Categories
humor internet

This is just what Satan intended.

I love finding new websites, especially sites that provide even more fantastic links to rampantly further my internet browsing on a quiet Saturday afternoon. I’ll follow John’s example, since my birthday’s tomorrow; Argument #26:

ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY
(1) Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!
(2) No one has ever refuted (1).
(3) Therefore, God exists.

Yeah. If you’re not likely to be insulted by atheistic humor, you should check it out.

Categories
humor internet wordpress

Action figures sold separately.

I was a bit confused if the WordPress dev blog was playing an April Fool’s joke with their announcement of “Wordpattern”. Having read it over, I’m fairly convinced it’s a joke, but should note that I can tend to be unfortunately gullible, at times. In any case, here are some items of humor I came across while researching this “hoax(?)”.

Our groundbreaking, no-nonsense approach of creating a fast and lean CMSMS (CMS management system) is unparalleled and will fulfill the need of every user out there – we won’t be content with anything less.

A “Content Management Software Management System”? Awesome.

The Wordpattern features page has some choice tidbits:

4 Minute Install

The latest InstallMark™ benchmarks clock the WordPattern install process in at 3:47 – that’s a 25% improvement over WordPress 2.0, and a whopping 41% faster than Textpattern.

Gidgets

Like widgets, only cuter.

I think this marks the first time a web application benchmarked its install speed. I also like BJAX, Web2.1 (beta), and invisible URLs. The roadmap section is not to be missed, detailing Wordpattern’s “5 milestones” (the 5th being World Domination). I like the idea of “Tiger Teams”, as well as the Marketing and Evangelism Team. Also linked from the roadmap is Huhcorp, who they’re evidently working with. Their page is hilarious as well.

Our name will confuse you, but, you have to admit, the logo design is pretty cool. And we’re good at turning regular words into “e-words,” such as “e-consulting,” “e-business” or “e-sexual harassment.”

Our office is really modern and we’ve got nice computers and stuff. If you ever saw it, you’d say “Wow, cool office. These guys are legit.”

Following more links, to Huhcorp’s “ideas” page:

Our female staff members are all hot, so, even if there’s nothing to meet about, we’ll sit and flirt with them, and charge you for the time. When one of our new-age marketing gurus or design experts or consultants has an idea, the rest of us look at him or her with serious expressions and write stuff down on paper.

I’m really temped to quote their entire site, because I find it all completely awesome, but you should just go and check it out for yourself. The coup de grace of this Wordpattern Masquerade is on the legal page, where one finds the following:

The Fine Print

All content, code, images, sounds, smells, ambience and the warm fuzzy feeling you get while basking in our glow are Copyright (Q) 1972-1976 The WordPattern Concern. WordPattern™, the WordPattern Logo™, the letters W™ and P™, the colours white™ and black™, and the non-breaking space™ are registered trademarks. The WordPattern Concern does not represent the accuracy or reliability of the information on these so-called “web pages”, after all you can’t believe anything you read on the internets these days.

Things like this make April Fool’s Day worthwhile. But on a more serious bent, why don’t companies make their “serious” web pages this interesting? Would I want to use a company like Huh? for marketing by looking at their website? Maybe, and maybe not, but they would certainly stand out from the crowd, and that’s never a bad thing. Offering serious and quality information about your product is a good thing, certainly, but it can be oh so dull. I would love to see companies manage to fit factual aspects into entertaining text. I mean, when was the last time you READ through the entirety of a corporation’s site because it was entertaining? Yeah, me neither. If we’re going to start talking about aspects of Web 2.1 (beta), I think a defining feature should be humor.

** Mention of “Wordpattern” dates back awhile, at least to January 2005. It appears the original coinage of “Wordpattern” (and Textpress) belong to Jina Bolton, though her post is lost to everything but Google’s cached pages. Her post was in response to this post on Joshuaink. Here’s Google’s cached version (2nd post down) if you’d like to read it. There, I’ve done my snooping for the day.

Categories
humor news

Mecca Cola: Drink with commitment

Mecca Cola is a fairly old story, but I only first heard of it the other day. I love their slogan. Quite the statement. My opinion is that if you want to fight against consumerism, don’t drink unhealthy and overpriced beverages. But that’s just me.

Demand for bottles of Mecca Cola – which bear the slogan “No more drinking stupid, drink with commitment” – is already soaring.

Categories
humor libraries

‘Librarians wield unfathomable power.’

Why you should fall to your knees and worship a librarian.

Librarians have degrees. They go to graduate school for Information Science and become masters of data systems and human/computer interaction. Librarians can catalog anything from an onion to a dog’s ear. They could catalog you.

While we’re on the “librarians are cool” kick, you should check out Batgirl was a Librarian and Librarians are SEXY. I don’t know if all this stuff really applies to “guybrarians” or not, but my positive self-image would like me to assume that it does.

Categories
humor libraries webcomics

Humor, Unshelved.

Quote of the week, from Unshelved.

Return to your chosen profession – providing vital information to anonymous potential terrorists.

I really want to try and add that into my CV somewhere, now.

Categories
humor libraries music

You’ll feel fine at the library.

A library music video?

Indeed.

(warning: annoyingly catchy)

Categories
humor personal poetic

One, please.

an anti v-day haiku.

lip-locked lovers at the movie;
while you made kissy face,
I ate all your popcorn.