I know I mentioned it when I got a cell phone, via Sprint. I’m not sure if I ever mentioned that I ditched Sprint within my trial period, and switched to Cingular. Cingular is better. So I sent the two phones I got from Sprint back to them, via their return kits, and went on with my life waiting for them to bill me all of $8 or so for the days I used their service.
A few days ago I get the bill from them, for a merry $165! Evidently, they claim to have never recieved one of the phones I sent them. So I finally had a chance to call them last night. The first lady I talked to needed the tracking # for the phones I sent back, which I couldn’t find immediately, so she asked me to call back. Once I had the tracking #s I called back, only to get transferred to the billing department. The billing department, after verifying my identity (for about the 8th time that night), immediately told me I owed them $165 and asked me how I would like to pay that amount. Once I explained my problem, they transferred me back to the customer service department (or rather to a main menu), from which I pushed the wrong button and couldn’t go back, so I had to call again. Around the fifth time I called last night I talked to a lady who noted my account, placed a priority status on it, and yet still told me I’d have to call back in the morning so they could check the warehouse (which was closed by that point) and verify the phone had been returned. They didn’t seem to care that I could go to UPS.com, put in the tracking number, and see that Sprint had signed for the phone at their warehouse on April 9th at 8 am. Evidently, that didn’t mean much to them.
So I called back this morning, talked to customer service, who stumbled around for a # to the warehouse, and after five minutes said, “All I can find is the orders support number.” Rather than transferring me, she gave me their number, and I hung up and called them. The lady in orders was pretty helpful, really. She checked the notes on my account, checked the tracking # through the warehouse, and finally admitted to me that yes, I had in fact returned that phone. She put a note, asked me to hold as she transferred me to someone who could remove the charges for me. I was still naively optimistic at this point (somehow), thanked her, and waited patiently. Ten minutes later, as I started to get antsy, I realized I was no longer on hold. Instead, my call had been dropped. This seems to happen a lot when you call Sprint.
Figuring my account had been noted by the appropriate people in the orders department, I called the main customer service line again, pushed a few buttons, and they transferred me to billing. People who work for Sprint who can speak clearly, with a minimal accent, and sound nice, get put in customer service and orders. They’re the salespeople, and it makes good sense that they sound friendly and approachable. Sprint’s billing staff, on the other hand, is the meanest, fastest-talking, and heaviest-accented group you’ve ever seem outside of an LA taxi company. The point being, I assume, that they would like to confuse you into accidently paying them the money that you were calling to dispute in the first place. Example:
Billing: “Thankyouforverifyingyourinformation. Youowe$165, wouldyouliketograymen hitherberjakoil mongooselimabeanfoxmonkey alphabitsjubjub hydroliccancanjuice?”
Customer: “Huh? What, ummm …okay?”
Billing: “Thankyou, yourcreditcardhasbeencharged$3000 foralifelong subscriptionto Sprint. Haveaniceday. (click)”
Customer: “Noooooo!!!”
So, I’m talking to this lady in billing, who verifys my information (I feel like my identity has been abused it’s been verified so much at this point), and then tells me I owe Sprint $165 and asks me, “Wouldyouliketopaythatusingcreditdebitorcheck?” I sighed, and explained that there were surely 20 notes on my account at this point, one of which would explain to her that I’d spoken to someone in the warehouse, who had verified that I had in fact returned the phone for which Sprint was trying to charge me, and that I would like the fee removed. I didn’t mention my suspicion that one of the notes on my account read, “Help this man and Satan himself will reach up out of hell and swallow your soul.” She took a moment to read the note, asked me to wait while she accessed my account, and put me on hold. Just as I was feeling like the end was in sight, she got back on the line to tell me that she couldn’t access my bill “at this time”. She waited, as if I would reply, “Oh, that’s fine, I was just calling for the fun of it, not because I expected any resolution or level of competence. Tata!” Instead, I grunted something like, “Umm, you can’t access my bill?” and thought something like What the hell is the point of a billing department if they can’t access your bill? She repeated, “Yes, I can’t access your bill right now.” She paused again. I outwaited her. “If you could call back in thirty minutes, we should be able to access your bill then.”
I was baffled. Was there a time-lock on my bill? Was it time for this lady’s lunch and she just didn’t want to be bothered by me anymore? Had she, in trying to help me, inadvertently been possessed by Satan, who wanted to mock and torment my misery? I doubted the last one, if only because I think she was never that interested in helping me. I thanked her (I’m infernally polite), though a bit curtly, and hung up. Of course, I couldn’t call back in thirty minutes because I had to be at work, which is where I am now, wondering why the devil has it in for me.
Moral: Sprint sucks.
