Category: humor

10 Militant Groups I’d Laugh At:

10. Militant abortionists – aka Habitat for, well, not us

9. Militant apathists – I don’t care and you don’t either!

8. Militant creationists – Deathly afraid of big bang. Prudes.

7. Militant black coffeeists – Very jittery, beware these ones.

6. Militant euro-weenies – Comment? Je comprends pas. Parlez-vous francais?

5. Militant americans – I’d laugh at them, but they’d grab one of the 57 guns they own and shoot me.

4. Militant squirrels – Crookshanx laughs at these, mostly.

3. Militant militants – see number 5

2. Militant Mac-owners – I mean … c’mon, haven’t you lost yet?

1. Militant bloggers – Sure you write everyday, and have interesting things to say, and get like 200 hits an hour … but, but … bastards.

News Flash: Spanish scientists believe they may have found the solution to mad cow disease, an infection caused by a rogue protein produced only by cannibalism. Though as yet unproven, geneticists believe that mixing the genes of those infected with mad cow disease with the genes of those infected with placid bull syndrome would cause both infections to cease, effectively killing two birds with one stone.

Placid bull syndrome is a long-standing, formerly rare ailment in Spain. The first recorded “placid bull” was none other than the lovable Ferdinand, who most people know from stories for his love of flowers and refusal to fight when thrown into the arena. For a time since, Ferdinand was put to stud, until the Spanish realized that “placid bull” was a dominant genetic characteristic, and was passed down to each and every one of Ferdinand’s offspring. Now, placid bull syndrome has become a major threat to the Spanish way of life. After all, what would Madonna do for a music video if she couldn’t have a matador in it? Where would Spain be without decadent bovine bloodshed? Needless to say, Spain is as concerned, if not moreso, with finding a cure to placid bull syndrome as they are to mad cow disease.

Skipping animal testing, scientists have jumped straight to testing on humans. Though results so far have produced only “bi-polar minotaurs”, scientists are sure that the cure is within their grasp, and that it is only a matter of time before humans are once again meek and docile, and bulls ferocious and mean.

On another front, PETA says the solution to mad cow disease is simple. In the words of PETA spokesperson, “Of course the cows are mad. They work hard for little or no wages, live in squalor, and have to put up with the occassional “tipping”. The cure for mad cow disease? A union!”