Darth Vader wasn’t a very good father. At least, not at first. Even if you overlook a life of absenteeism, with no child support to speak of, he also ends up being an evil murderer and destroyer of worlds. Add to that the fact that he cuts off his son’s hand, and he pretty much gets worst father of the year award.
And then he saves the day.
Anyone can be a father. It’s a biological power that most men possess, and it isn’t in any way special. Being a good father takes preparation, though, and some hard work, and possibly even some strengths of character than not every man comes by naturally.
I always thought that I would be a good father. I thought of myself as patient, which seemed important. I thought that I was a good listener and an excellent teacher, that I had strong moral character and good values, and that I was, for lack of a better word, pretty cool. Thinking that you’re cool is probably the downfall of many a dad, especially when they start dealing with teenagers, but that’s neither here nor there.
When I met my wife and got engaged, I instantly became a father figure for a five-year-old, and I think I was pretty good at it. I’d be lying if I said that the idea of being a father, especially an insta-father with a five-year-old, didn’t make me balk somewhat. I pushed on anyway, mainly because when you meet the person you know you want to marry, nothing else matters that much. Besides, I traipsed off to Montreal for graduate school mere months after getting engaged, and being a part-time, long-distance fiance / step-dad wasn’t too tough, especially with my studies to keep me busy.
I’ve since finished graduate school, and got married, and become a full-time step-dad with no more excuses. And I’m not quite as excellent at it as I had hoped I would be. My levels of patience vary on a minute-to-minute basis, and I often feel too preoccupied to be a good listener or teacher. I’m still pretty cool, but all that means is that the now ten-year-old is very, very interested in anything I do or say, and that I don’t get a moment’s peace. And even saying that, I know it’s not actually true, or fair, but as a perception it’s fairly strong.
When I found out that I was going to become a father for real, I was a little overwhelmed. That’s a pretty natural response, I think. Overwhelmed, and excited, and anxious, and excited, and a little wondrous, and somewhat panicked. The man who has just found out he is going to become a father begins to simultaneously think in two different directions: how he can create more security for him and his family; and whether or not his passport is in order. Hey, we all have our moments.
The nice thing about human babies is that they take a long time to show up. For the better part of a year, the expectant father gets to work on bolstering the feelings of excitement and wonder, and subduing those of anxiety and panic. Expectant fathers get to reevaluate the qualities they feel would make them good fathers, and work to make sure that those qualities won’t disappear as soon as the baby is born.
Darth Vader was caught by surprise by fatherhood, and consequently, he was pretty miserable at it. Given time to adjust, though, and to prepare, he actually became a pretty decent father. He saved his son’s life, in the end, along with untold numbers of people in galaxies far far away.
For my part, I hope I can skip the evil part of the whole process, and get straight to being a good father. My patience is less finicky, and I try to take the time to listen and to teach, no matter how busy I might be otherwise. I think that a lot of being a good father is being right here, right now, not wondering where else you could be, or what other things you could be doing. And hey, I think I’m pretty good at that, for the most part, and I am still pretty cool, for the most part.
I guess we’ll see how it goes.
